What does an intimate relationship look like? Jesus compared our relationship with Him to the relationship of a husband and wife. He referred to the Church (Christians) as the bride and to Himself as the Bridegroom. With that comparison in mind I wanted to consider what a good intimate relationship whether husband to wife or God to believer should look like.

Here Are My 3 Building Blocks of an Intimate Relationship

Men don’t get too excited. I’m not going to talk about submission or anything that you wouldn’t want a young child to hear. I really wanted to talk about what it takes to get as close as possible to someone you’re in love with. The three things or areas I want to focus on could apply to either our relationship with God or to our wife. The “Big Three” are:

Talking, Listening and Affection

As we look at these 3 areas I want us all to be reminded of how important all three of these are if we truly want to be close as possible to the ones we love the most and who love us the most.

Talking

As a man and especially as a “quiet” man this one is an area I struggle with. Now I can talk when I need or want to. Don’t get me started on sports or I can talk your ear off. I like to talk Braves baseball, college football, or my most recent round of golf. Unfortunately that kind of talking is not going to help me get closer to my wife or my Savior. Now both of them will listen to what I have to say on these subjects because they love me, but I don’t think it’s what they most want to hear me say.

Even though they both know me, my wife fairly well and my Savior completely, they want me to share with them things from my heart.

They want to hear me say things out loud. That’s usually a pretty hard thing to do, at least for me and probably many of you. Sharing what is going on in your heart of hearts makes us very vulnerable and that can be scary. Even so, sharing intimate things about yourself is what makes an intimate relationship intimate. Of course, talking to God is praying.

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

This verse tells us to “pray without ceasing”.  That makes it quite clear that God wants us to talk to Him and not just before meals and at bedtime.

Don’t just talk about yourself

It’s very easy for all of us to be self-absorbed. We want to make sure when we’re talking to God or our spouse that we often talk about the things they want to hear. With our spouse that means to talk about the things that are most important to them. That may involve asking “What do you want to talk about?” Dangerous, I know but when you love someone…

So what does God want to talk about?  Now there is a good question.

That may depend on what He’s been saying to you. If we don’t know that, it’s probably because we haven’t been listening, which is what we’re going to talk about in the next section. If you’re not sure, a good place to start is to just start talking about Him and how awesome He is. That’s Praise talk. God’s Word says “He inhabits our praise.”  Inhabit sounds pretty intimate. The closer we get to God I believe the easier it will be to know what to talk about.

I love in Exodus 33 when it says that “The Lord spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friend.”  Wouldn’t that be cool!

I must admit I don’t have that kind of relationship with God but I sure would like to. Wouldn’t you?

I think it begins, like any relationship, with lots of talking. Do you remember what it was like when you first fell in love with your wife? If you were like me and Madaline, you talked for hours on the phone and face to face. If we want to be really close to someone we gotta talk.

Listening

Yes men, I broke out the L-word. I’m not sure but I think I just heard the men groan and the women cheer. This area of an intimate relationship may be the hardest, at least it is for me. It’s hard for me in my marriage and in my relationship with God. You’re probably thinking ‘he’s not good at talking or listening. What is he good at?’

Well the next section is affection, so…..  (and now Madaline is groaning). Seriously though, listening is extremely important in any relationship so we have to be diligent and intentional in regards to our listening skills. This means good eye contact (not good at that), real interest, don’t butt in (not good at that but getting better) and responding in appropriate ways. If you can get better at this listening thing then the affection part will get better too. I’m just saying.

How do we listen to God?

Wow, now there is another good question. In my own experience God doesn’t usually talk to me in a loud booming voice. He usually speaks to us in that “still, small voice”. That voice is usually made louder if we can regularly get in God’s Word, the Bible. There is a reason it’s called God’s “Word”. It’s how he most often talks to us. Once again, this is not my strong suit. I’m blessed to have grown up in a Godly home where God’s Word was frequently talked about and taught. Subsequently, my Bible knowledge is pretty good.

Bible knowledge doesn’t take the place of spending time with Him in His Word.

If we want a close relationship with God we’ve got to get in the Bible!  Whenever my relationship with Him feels the most distant it’s often because of not enough time listening to His Word.

Another great way to listen to Him is by listening to His servants talk about Him, you know Pastors, Preachers, and Bible teachers. We can do that by attending a local church faithfully or by watching and listening to them via websites, podcasts, and/or TV broadcasts.

All of these are great but there is definitely a huge benefit in gathering with other Christians in a local Church.

So what’s God saying to you? Are you listening?

Affection

Last but certainly not least is affection. I’m sure you know what that means when we’re talking about our marriages. Affection is how we physically express our love. It’s things like hand holding, hugs, kisses and ….well,as Forest Gump would say “that’s all I have to say about that”.

That physical contact is so vital in an intimate relationship.

The longer you’ve been married and the busier we get the easier it is to let that part of our relationship decline especially in the little things like hand holding or hugs just for hugs sake.

All too often we men only want the home runs so we skip 1st base or even the warm up circle. If you know what I mean. If not, you’re on you own. I’ve already said more than I said I would. Affection is not only physical touch. I would go into the “Love Languages” but that’s above my pay grade.

Bottom line, don’t forget to be affectionate. It’ll keep your marriage close.

How do we express Affection with God?

One word, Worship. Worship is how we show God we love Him. Worship can be expressed in many ways; singing, dancing, giving, or volunteering. Praise and many other things can be considered worship. I heard one praise leader say that worship means to “Kiss Toward”.

Being in a relationship with God and not worshiping Him would like being in a marriage and never touching your spouse.

Just as physical touch is one of the best things about being married worship can and should be a big part of your relationship with God. You miss out and God misses out if it’s not part of your experience. It’s my belief that really talking to and listening to God will automatically lead to worship or affection.

First Kiss

I remember when Madaline and I first started dating. One night we were standing around talking next to our cars in the church parking lot. We’d been out a couple of times and had spent a lot of time talking either on the phone or face to face. That night as I stood there listening to her talk I just couldn’t help myself. I went in and kissed her mid-sentence. All the talking and listening made me want to kiss her as soon as possible so I did. Fortunately, she felt the same way so she didn’t slap me. The rest is history.

I also remember the first time I truly worshiped God.

I was a recently returned prodigal and I had discovered Christian music. One night as I listened to the band Third Day I just couldn’t help myself, I let go and worshiped God with all my heart and soul. I’ve never been the same since that moment. Whether I’m in my car, in the shower or standing at a church service I love to show my God and Savior how much I love Him by worshiping Him.  If you’ve never done it I highly recommend it.

So there you have it!

My 3 Building Blocks of an Intimate Relationship

Hopefully these actions will bring you closer to the ones you love.

We gratefully appreciate your prayers for our ministry. Leave us a comment below and let us know how we can be praying for you.

David